Mid Man Manifests

First of all, Happy New Year! This is the time of reflection and hope, the season where the air feels crisp and the winds of change sweep through our lives. The person we’ve always wanted to be suddenly feels just on the horizon. I’m not immune to the joy and excitement this season brings. There’s something valuable in the change inspired by an event beyond our control—even if that event is something as arbitrary as the flip of a calendar page.

You’re reading this because of that catalytic event. It’s a tradition I know well—the urge to write, the desire to create things that others might enjoy. Right now, that creative drive is at its peak. But I also know that, without commitment, it will fade. This could easily become just another well-intentioned attempt in a long line of false starts. The words could end up empty. And yet—because I am, admittedly, delusionally optimistic—I have hope that this time might be different.

I stopped drinking last year. It wasn’t a decision born of careful thought or deep reflection. No, it was impulsive. One morning, after a visit with family, I woke up feeling low. It was a familiar feeling, one I’d grown so used to that I never thought to blame the alcohol. Or, more specifically: I never blamed it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol (shoutout to my 2000s rap crew). But after just a few months, something shifted. Now, even the idea of having a drink brings guilt—the kind of guilt that whispers, “If you do this, you’ll betray a version of yourself you’ve come to like.” And I really do like this version of me.

I’ve also come to terms with being…well, kind of a laid-back, mid-energy guy. I’m not someone who operates with a constant sense of urgency. My motivation comes in waves, and, honestly, this particular burst is likely tied to that wave of “new year, new me” energy. Maybe my birthday being so close to the new year has something to do with it. This time of year forces me into self-reflection, I can’t help but look at myself and wonder, “What more can I do?”

But as the year ended, I started doing things differently. I let go of the need for grand declarations. Gone are the “I will do this every day and be a good boy” resolutions. Instead, I’ve embraced a love for the process. A love for the sporadic, messy nature of who I am. I’ve started accepting who I am.

And yet, here comes the hypocrisy, this shift has sparked some thing new. The more disciplined I’ve become in doing what I want to do, the more motivated I’ve felt to push myself further. I've had the scariest realization yet, I’m not built for the mundane. I crave greatness. I crave recognition. I want to make people feel something from what I create. I want you to feel something when you engage with something I’ve poured myself into.

None of us were put here for mediocrity. We were put here for greatness...all of us. You deserve to be great. Not because you’re some flawless ideal, but because you care. Because you give a damn about creating something beautiful, something meaningful, for the people around you. We all deserve to be admired for our hearts, for the way we share who we really are.

This might very well be the only post I write this year. My discipline has improved, but I’m too wise now to make promises I can’t keep. I won’t vow to write every day, every week, or even every month. But I will make one promise to you and to myself: I will pour my soul into the things I create, and I will share that with you regardless of polish or pedigree.